The Papers
by chicmns
Summary: When final adoption papers arrive, reactions aren't what you'd expect ....
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have anything to do with the people who  
created, produce, or write JAG. This story is STRICTLY for  
entertainment purposes, and does not benefit me in any way except to  
serve as an outlet of a (theoretically, at least) creative imagination.  
  
I very much enjoy season 9 of JAG, especially the plotline with Mattie  
.... I think it's a brilliant plot direction that Rabb, the "happy-go-  
lucky" flyboy, now has a teenaged daughter ... I'm sure that much more  
hijinks will ensue because of it! This is my take on the reactions of  
the characters (including Mattie herself) when the court sends final  
adoption papers.  
  
A final note: Please, please, review and comment! I really want (and  
intend) to continue this story, and I would LOVE any and all feedback!  
  
The Papers  
  
Jen Coates hated mornings. She was definitely the worst morning person  
in the history of the world, but she also knew who would take her crown,  
if she were to ever abdicate that particular throne. No question about  
it .... her roommate, young Mattie Grace, wasn't what you'd call bright-  
eyed and bushy-taled at that time of day, either. Jen knew this in part  
because it was a battle every weekday morning to make sure Mattie was up  
for school on time, while at the same time struggling to make it in to  
work on time herself. Having Mattie's guardian, Commander Harmon Rabb,  
just a few doors away definitely helped the situation, because HE was  
definitely one of THEM - a "morning person" who insisted on cheering up  
everything within ten nautical miles while normal people were fighting  
the last vestiges of sleep, downing coffee to stimulate themselves  
awake, and doing whatever else was necessary to wake up.  
  
It was probably the only time or situation, Jen thought to herself as  
she slowly rose from her bed and headed down the hall to knock on  
Mattie's door, when she didn't appreciate being around the Commander.  
People that awake that early in the morning should be punished, she  
decided, wondering if there was a regulation in the UCMJ that covered  
unacceptably cheerful Commanders at such ungodly hours of the day.  
  
Reaching Mattie's door, she knocked softly, waited a few seconds, then  
knocked louder ... the pattern that seemed to work best to wake Mattie  
up. After the last knock, she slowly opened Mattie's door, expecting to  
see her still in bed, trying to hang onto those last few precious  
moments of sleep before facing a new day. She was surprised, however,  
when she pushed the door open to see Mattie sitting at her desk, looking  
down at an official-looking envelope in her hands with a strained,  
pensive look on her face reflected in her makeup mirror.  
  
"Mattie ...... you're up already. Did we set the alarm clocks wrong  
this morning, or is this really Saturday?", Jen greeted her roommate as  
she stood in the open doorway.  
  
"Oh!" Mattie looked up suddenly, and seemed to shiver as she caught  
Jen's concerned gaze in her mirrror. "No, everthing's ..... OK, I  
guess. Got up earlier than usual, and decided to go ahead and get  
ready. I've already had something to eat, and the coffee's on for you  
in the kitchen."  
  
"Thanks, M .....", Jen whispered, watching Mattie's face as she used her  
nickname for her roommie, ..... "Are you sure you're OK? You look  
spooked by something - what's in the letter?"  
  
"Nothing, Jen .... just something from family court, that's all. And  
that judge wrote me a little note with some papers to sign .... no  
biggie."  
  
"Do you want me to look at them with you?"  
  
"No!" Mattie said, too quickly. "Sorry, I ..... um ..... just need to  
think about stuff for a bit. OK?" The last word was spoken with an  
edge, Jen thought, which usually meant that Mattie would pick her own  
time and way to tell her what was on her mind. The young girl was still  
getting used to having people in her life who genuinely cared for her,  
and even though Jen knew Mattie had no doubt that Jen loved her as a  
sister, she still had times when she withdrew into herself. Jen  
understood, maybe better than Harm or Bud or Harriet or anyone else  
apart from Mac, how an upbringing can make you retreat inside sometimes.  
She sighed softly, deciding to give Mattie her space. "OK, M .....  
I'll be ready in a bit, after a shower and about a gallon of coffee. Am  
I taking you in to school today, or is the Commander?"  
  
Mattie laughed, and shook her head at Jen in her mirror. "You can call  
him Harm at seven in the morning, Jen .... jeeze, you military types are  
so programmed! I'm gonna get the bus in, if that's OK .... you guys go  
ahead and head on in to JAG." Jen chuckled, and stuck her tongue out at  
her young friend. "OK, ok ..... don't make me think too much so early -  
my brain can't take the pain just yet. Need some money for lunch?"  
  
"Naaah .... I fixed something last night and frigged it. Guess Harm's  
healthy eating habits are rubbing off -- I'm good."  
  
"Okay, then ..... well, I'm off to shower. If you leave before I get  
out, have a great day, and I'll see you tonight."  
  
Mattie turned and smiled slightly at her, sliding the letter she held  
into her backpack. Jen noticed that she had twisted the envelope a bit,  
and wondered if it was bad news inside that seemed to worry her so. She  
decided, though, not to say anything. After her too-personal probing of  
the apparent problems between the Admiral and his fiance', Jen decided  
that she'd try to be a little less snoopy into other people's personal  
business. The admiral, she remembered, wasn't pleased with her or her  
repeated attempts to find out what had happened between the engaged  
couple, and their office relationship was strained because of it. Jen  
was determined not to have that happen with anyone else, so she just  
nodded, yawned, and turned towards the bathroom.  
  
After her shower, she went to the kitchen and the coffee she knew was  
waiting for her, sensing that Mattie had indeed already left for the  
day. Funny how they always knew when the other one was home or not.  
The apartment, while huge by her standards, wasn't all that big, but she  
and Mattie could always tell if they were alone at home .... an ability,  
Jen thought to herself, gained through their respective backgrounds.  
She was sitting at the breakfast counter on a stool, drinking and  
thinking about things, when she heard a certain kncok on the door. The  
Commander .... he always knocked the same way, so she headed over to the  
front door to let him in. She opened the door to see Commander Rabb  
standing there, his trademark grin and immaculate Navy uniform in place,  
and she shook her head at him in wry amusement. She could tell by the  
look in his eye that he was about to tease her about not being a morning  
person, she knew ..... they'd had this conversation many times since  
she'd come to live with his ward.  
  
"Morning, Jennifer! How are you today? Mattie up yet?", Harmon Rabb  
asked in his too-enthusiastic-for-this-time-of-morning way. "Bastard,"  
Jen thought silently as she smiled at him and opened the door wider to  
let the tall officer in.  
  
"Morning, sir. I'm still asleep, so anything I say at the moment can't  
be used in court, and Mattie's already left for school. Coffee's in the  
pot on the stove.", she returned, yawning again as she sipped more  
coffee from the cup still in her hand. Rabb just nodded, heading to the  
kitchen and giving her another grin as he passed. "You know, Jennifer,  
if you ate better, you'd probably be more alert when you woke up in the  
morning. I know it's helped me get my day started." Commander Rabb's  
healthy eating habits grated sometimes on the women in his immediate  
life ... Mattie, Mac, and Jen herself, who all shared a love of good,  
hearty food - meat dishes the most. She playfully stuck her tongue out  
at him, muttering just loud enough for him to hear, "no one's perfect!"  
That got her a laugh, then ..... "sorry I missed Mattie - I wanted to  
take her in to school today, and I thought she'd still be getting  
ready."  
  
"She was up before me this morning, if you can believe that, sir." Jen  
told him. His mock look of shock earned him a mock glare in return. "I  
went to wake her, and she was already dressed and ready, sitting at her  
desk staring at a letter she got from Family Court."  
  
"Family Court?!?", Harm exclaimed, looking at her in concern. "I didn't  
get anything like that in the mail .... do you know what it said?"  
  
"No, sir. It came for her yesterday, and I gave it to her when she got  
home from babysitting AJ Roberts. She opened it, read it, and went to  
her room. She didn't come out till I called her for dinner, and then she  
went straight back to her room after helping me with the dishes. I  
asked her about the letter during dinner, but she wouldn't tell me  
anything. And when I saw her clutching it this morning, I didn't know  
what to think. Figured you'd gotten the same letter, and if there was a  
problem, you two would talk about it. Since you didn't get one, it must  
be nothing, right?"  
  
"I don't know," Harm answered, looking down at the countertop with a  
puzzled look on her face. "She knew I was working late on a case, but  
if there was anything she needed to talk about, she knows she can call  
me anytime. I got home too late to see her before bed last night, and I  
just figured I'd talk to her while taking her in to school this  
morning." Jen nodded, knowing that Mattie and Harm talked by phone  
several times a day, as a rule. They had quickly found that to be a  
good way to tell each other about their days, and it was something they  
both loved and looked forward to. It was so amazing, Jen thought not  
for the first time, how close they'd grown in so short a time.  
  
"I'm sure it's nothing, sir. She's been fine otherwise, and I know the  
first time you two talk today, she'll tell you about it. Now, excuse me  
... I have to finish getting ready for work."  
  
"Thanks, Jennifer .. I'm sure you're right. We're both really lucky to  
have you. I'll see you in a few, unless you want to just ride in with  
me?"  
  
She smiled at him, and Harm was reminded again how beautiful she was  
when she smiled. "That's OK, sir ... I have to go shopping after work,  
so I need my car with me."  
  
"Shopping, huh? Gonna ask for my credit card again?", he winked at her,  
grinning that "flyboy" grin of his, as Mac called it .... the one that  
swayed many a female, Jen knew. She laughed at him over her shoulder as  
she turned to her room, and said, "No, sir ... not this time. But if  
you're offering????..." She turned back to him, grinning impishly. He  
just smiled at her hopeful look, shook his head slowly, and started  
heading for the door. "That's OK, Coates. It's still trying to heal  
from the last little "shopping" trip you and Mattie took it on! I'll  
see you at work - drive safely!" He passed through the front door, and  
started to close it behind him as her voice carried over to him, "All  
right, if you're sure, sir ....." Shutting the door behind him, he  
laughed as he headed to the elevator. 


	2. Mattie's last meeting with her biologica...

Title: "The Papers, Chapter 2"  
  
Author: Chicmns  
  
Date: 3/2/04  
  
Rating: G  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Category: Drama  
  
Keywords: Drama, angst  
  
Summary: Mattie is told by her biological father that he's giving her  
up for adoption and receives final adoption papers in the mail, seeting  
off a chain of emotional events.  
  
Disclaimer: JAG and all of its' characters belong to Belisarius and  
CBS. This story is for pure entertainment, and not for any profit.  
  
Dedication: To all the folks who take the time to read, and to those  
who spend even more time reviewing and responding. Thanks!  
  
Author Notes: Takes place during the time period of season 9 of JAG.  
  
Feedback: I'm not one of those authors who don't like it - positive,  
negative, or indifferent. Everyone has different reactions, and they  
all have value. If so inclined, feel free: mnschicago@yahoo.com.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Mattie liked riding the bus to school, for lots of reasons. One of the  
best was that if there was something on her mind, and if it wasn't  
something she was ready to talk to Harm or anyone else about - not that  
something like that came up a lot - she could think about things without  
any distractions or interruptions. And the conversation she'd had this  
past weekend with her biological father, along with the letter in her  
backpack she'd received yesterday, definitely qualified. She'd had that  
conversation, and the papers from the judge, pretty much memorized by  
now; having probably read it a couple of dozen times since she'd gotten  
home yesterday, after Jen had handed it to her with a look of intense  
curiosity on her face. Mattie smiled to herself, remembering the  
curious look on her roommate's face along with her also obvious desire  
to respect Mattie's privacy. Mattie knew that her new roommate and  
"adopted sister" could be a little .. inquisitive, sometimes ... but she  
also knew that Jen would never intentionally hurt her or betray a  
confidence. Mattie had well-developed instincts about people for  
someone her age ... a benefit of running her own business as a young  
teenager... and she knew from the first minute she met Jen that she  
could trust her - just as she knew it when she and Harm first met.  
  
She loved Jen from the start, especially when she started calling her  
"M" after they'd moved into an apartment in Harm's building together.  
She hadn't told Jen yet, but she absolutely loved that nickname ... it  
was something very cool, like something she'd always imagined a real  
sister would use for a nickname, and it made her love Jen even more. No  
one else called her "M" - not even Mac or Harm, both of whom usually  
called her things parents used for their children, like "sweetheart", or  
"honey" ... when they didn't use her given name.  
  
She looked out of the bus window, deep in thought, as she thought about  
her guardian, Harm Rabb. Thinking about him brought a smile and a soft  
sigh to her lips. It felt like it's been only a few weeks since they  
came into each other's lives, but it'd actually been several months.  
And now, after everything that has happened during all of the recent  
changes in her life, she had copies of the final adoption papers with  
her, needing only Harm's signature to be official. She sighed again,  
thinking her last talk with her biological father during their visit  
last weekend had been the most emotional they'd ever had. He said  
things to her that had shaken and surprised Mattie; that he'd seen how  
well she grown with Harm, and how much she obviously loved him back.  
He'd told her that, honestly, that his struggle to stay sober was taking  
all of his energy, and that he didn't know if he had any left to raise a  
child with. That wasn't to say he didn't love her - Mattie knew, past  
all of the hurt and anger she still had whenever she thought about the  
man who'd taken her mother away from her, that he did. Watching Harm  
and Mac around each other had helped her understand how two people could  
carry such powerful and conflicted feelings about each other at the same  
time, and that had helped make her see her relationship with her  
biological father in a different way. Mattie sighed again, remembering  
their last conversation. They were sitting in one of the family rooms at  
the center where he was staying for treatment and counseling. It was  
the only place they could meet alone, according to the temporary orders  
in place from Family Court. One weekend a month, the judge had decided,  
while the case was being decided. Usually, they managed to stay away  
from talking much about Harm, but on this visit, her biological father  
had gone right to that topic, after the usual uncomfortable trading of  
simple stuff.  
  
"You love him so much, Mattie, and he obviously loves you ... much more  
than I thought he did at first, to be honest. And despite that, he's  
always been civil to me, and hasn't stood in the way of you and I  
spending what time we can together. He wants what's best for you, and so  
do I," her father had said to her as they sat in the quiet room reserved  
for them.  
  
"I know he does", she replied. "I love him, too - and to me, he's my  
father. I don't want to hurt you, but that's how I feel."  
  
"I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt, having to hear that from  
my own child. But, part of the program here of getting sober and back in  
control of your life is really taking honest looks at yourself in the  
mirror, and not running away from what you see and hear. I will never  
stop loving you, Mattie ... I hope that you know that."  
  
"Yeah .... " I said, my voice suddenly breaking. For some reason, his  
words somehow frightened me, and I wondered if he was about to tell me  
something that would end up taking me away from Harm for good.  
  
"I want to show you something."  
  
His sudden change of topic surprised me, and all I could do was nod as  
we sat at the table. He looked down at the floor, and suddenly blew out  
the breath he'd been holding in, reached into the pocket of his jacket  
to take out an envelope that was stuffed with official-looking papers,  
and handed them to me. "I got these the other day. They're papers from  
the court, along with copies of reports from Social Services on both you  
and I. They told me that you and Harm would be receiving papers soon,  
too. Go ahead - read them." I looked at his face as he slowly handed  
the envelope to me, a strange mix of determination and loss in his eyes.  
I took the envelope hesitantly, and pulled out the folded group of  
papers. The first pages had the Family Court seal on them, and were  
labeled, "Final Order of Termination of Parental Rights." I glanced  
quickly at him as he looked away, but not before I saw the moisture  
gathering in his eyes. The next set was a report from the social worker  
who visits with him at the center, and the last set were the reports  
from the counselor who had been handling me and Harm's side of the case.  
I decided to leave the final order for last, afraid of what it might  
say, and decided to start reading the report from our social worker. I  
quickly glanced again at the man who sat quietly across from me to see  
him gazing out the window, a sad look in his eyes. I then turned back to  
read the papers in my hands.  
  
I was surprised to see so much detailed information; interviews,  
observations, input from a few of my teachers - including the one from  
my English teacher, the one who hates my living with Harm. There were  
also reports on the house visits Harm and I had endured, along with the  
written reports from the social worker who'd spent two Saturdays with me  
without Harm around. Then, I gasped in shock as I found the personal  
written testimonies of not only Harm, but Mac, Jen, Commander Sturgis,  
the Roberts, and ... ohh, my .... Admiral Chegwidden himself - something  
called an "amicus" brief from JAG. I didn't know what "amicus" meant,  
but it sounded like a good thing. The tears started flowing as I read  
the words of people who I'd come to think of as my own family, people  
who loved me as much as I loved them. And they all seemed to end with  
the same general thought, but phrased in different ways: "I don't know  
of a better person to love and guide Mattie Grace, than Harmon Rabb,  
Jr."  
  
As I sat there across from my uncharacteristically quiet biological  
father, not realizing how much I had been crying as I read the letters  
in front of me, I suddenly realized how reading through these must have  
made him feel. I looked up hesitatingly from the last letter, to see  
tears slowly flowing from his eyes as he patiently waited while I  
finished reading. I swallowed and started to say something, but he held  
up his hand and looked at me, seeming to read what must be showing in my  
eyes.  
  
"It's OK, Mattie ....I can't say I enjoyed reading a lot of that stuff,  
but it doesn't surprise me at all that so many people can come to love  
my little girl so much. And .... I can't say I don't agree with their  
conclusions."  
  
My heart stopped at that moment, as I realized what I thought he was  
saying. He cleared his throat, and slowly continued.  
  
"I know that I haven't been there for you, Mattie, and I also know that  
your mother not being here is my fault, too. That's a lot to take away  
from a child, and the fact that I wasn't strong enough to start trying  
to make it up to you before now has made me ashamed. I've wanted to ...  
so much. You'll never know just how much ......", he stopped, shook his  
head quickly, and swallowed. We were both silently crying, and neither  
of us bothered to try and wipe the tears away. I looked up at him  
through my own tears, and tried to speak.  
  
"I blamed ... blame you ... for her being gone. Sometimes I don't want  
to, because I know you're grieving, too .... but I can't help it. I was  
so angry, and sad .... and I miss her so much ..." I stopped to gather  
my thoughts, and to try to calm the emotions that washed over me every  
time I thought of how my mother had been taken away from me. "Harm has  
been helping me try to learn to let go of a lot of that stuff. He told  
me he doesn't want it to control my life, like his dad being gone ended  
up controlling his."  
  
He nodded, having been told the gist of that story by Harm himself  
during one of their talks -- although I didn't know it at that moment.  
When he saw the puzzled look in my eyes, he told me that Harm had told  
him the story of his father, and how that had shaped his life. My father  
mentioned that he had been surprised that Harm had revealed that part of  
his own background to someone who might end up using it against him in  
court; the fact that he knew Harm was a lawyer, and knew the possible  
value of what he was telling him -- and yet STILL went ahead and told  
him the story -- spoke volumes about the man. It was at that moment,  
her father had said, that he realized that he could trust Harmon Rabb  
with his daughter. All of this he spoke as he held his gaze with the  
daughter whom he'd realized was watching his face closely for any signs  
of violating Harm's trust. If I'd seen any sign of that .. I would have  
left right then and there, and never spoken to this man ever again.  
  
"He's a good man, Mattie. He really is. Better than I was, or am. And  
he loves you more than he loves anything else ... every time I see the  
two of you together, I can see that."  
  
"Yeah ... I have the lectures about boys, schoolwork, behavior, and a  
hundred other things to prove it", she quipped, a wry smile appearing on  
her face.  
  
He laughed and shook her head at me. "Still being a handful, even for  
the US Navy, huh?"  
  
I just grinned at him in reply. The grin slowly faded as I saw the  
serious look return to his eyes. He seemed to hesitate before  
continuing, his voice dropping even lower than usual. I watched his  
face, and saw how nervous and anxious he was, nervously fiddling with  
his ring as he sat across from me.  
  
"Mattie ... that Final Order .... they, I mean, the social workers, the  
counselors, and the Court ... they all think the best place for you is  
with Harm."  
  
I sat very still, studying my clasped hands in front of me, unable to  
look at my biological father as I waited for my heart to start beating  
again - or just stop forever.  
  
"And I agree with them .... which is why I'm going to sign the order."  
  
I gasped, and looked up at him in shock and surprise. I thought for  
sure he'd fight the adoption, and try to keep me with him. Why did I  
feel so happy and so lost at the same time? What was wrong with me? He  
watched me, waiting for me to speak, and I felt ashamed to see the  
disappointment flow across his gaze when he saw the excitement that must  
have appeared in my eyes. It didn't stay there for long, before it was  
replaced by that same look of determination I'd seen earlier.  
  
"You don't want me anymore?", I asked him, my voice coming out in a  
strained whisper.  
  
"I DO, Mattie .... more than anything, please believe me. But right  
now, I want what's best for you even more than that, and I have to start  
trying to make things up to you for what's happened. The best way I can  
start doing that is to make sure you're with the person who loves you  
AND can do right by you. And right now, I am definitely part of the  
first group, but not the second. Doesn't mean I don't want you, or  
don't want to try ....," he stopped suddenly, shook himself, a quiet  
sigh coming from him, and then he started talking again. ".... it means  
that one of the best ways I can do for you is to get sober and to a good  
place in my life, while making sure you're not hurt anymore by that  
battle. Do you understand what I'm saying?"  
  
I felt myself start to cry again. For what, I wasn't entirely sure.  
This was definitely turning into a day of confusion. "Yeah. I think I  
do. Does this mean we won't ... that we aren't going to talk anymore?"  
  
"Of course not, Mattie. I still want to be a part of your life if you  
want, and I hope that you want to be in mine. Signing a piece of paper  
doesn't mean I stop loving you. You're found yourself a family that's,  
well, not very typical." I nodded, feeling another wry grin finding  
its' way to my face as i thought of Harm and my new " 'adopted' aunts,  
sisters, uncles, and cousins". "Well, I am hoping that, sometime in the  
future, you and I can maybe build something like that, that will work  
for both of us, whatever else may be happening in our lives. I hope you  
can feel the same way."  
  
Wow. When did her father get so wise and unselfish-sounding?, I  
wondered, as I thought about everything he'd just said. It's strange,  
but that sounded like something she was positive Harm would have said,  
in the same situation. I remembered, as I'd sat there, suddenly  
shivering at that weird thought, and took a deep breath before I  
answered my father's unspoken question - something I'd learned from  
Harm, when I needed to gather my thoughts.  
  
"I feel the same way. I would ... miss you ... if you weren't in my  
life, in some way ...", I replied, stumbling over the words. He beamed  
at me, then, and I realized that I was very glad about the idea of not  
having to let go of him completely.  
  
The rest of our time passed in a haze, as we talked about what would  
happen next. I asked him if he wanted to tell Harm himself about his  
decision, and he shook his head, smiling at me. "I think that's  
something you'll want to do, Mattie. You and he will have plenty to  
talk about, anyway, and I think he would enjoy having the memory of  
having first heard about it from you, too. Oh - you should probably  
wait until the papers arrive, too -- there will be other things for you  
two to go over there, I think." I nodded.  
  
We talked a little more until it got close to the time when Harm would  
be coming to pick me up. When it was time for me to leave, we slowly  
walked to the front entrance where I turned in my visitor tag, and I  
turned to him.  
  
"Thank you." I couldn't think of anything else, even though I knew  
there was so much more that needed to be said.  
  
He put both his hands on my shoulders for a moment, and then pulled me  
against him in a quick hug. It was the first time we'd touched since my  
mom's funeral, and I'd pushed him away from me then. This time, I  
didn't. I laid my head on his shoulder for a minute, and then we  
stepped apart. A familiar horn from the front of the building made me  
turn, and I saw Harm's 'Vette idling in front through the large windows  
facing the street.  
  
"Call me if you or Harm need to talk .... I'll get the signed papers  
back to the court clerk, and then they'll probably set an final date of  
appearance or something. Maybe we can all get together for dinner the  
next time they give me a day pass here."  
  
"Okay ... that sounds good," I said, looking down at the tips of my  
shoes. We stood there for a another moment longer, and then I looked up  
at him, smiled, and then turned to walk through the front door. I could  
feel him watching me as I walked down the steps and opened the passenger  
door of Harm's car, leaning over to kiss him as we hugged after I  
settled into the front seat and Harm pointed to my seatbelt clasp, as  
usual.  
  
I remembered, sitting there on the school bus as I hugged my backpack to  
my chest and continued to gaze out the window, that as we accelerated  
away into traffic after leaving the center on Saturday, I'd suddenly  
felt this powerful sense of dread and fear, and I shivered again in my  
seat as those feelings rushed back again. Harm had noticed me shivering  
slightly in the car, and had asked, concerned, how the visit went as his  
arm settled around my shoulders. I sighed into his chest and closed my  
eyes as I leaned against him in the cramped car and told him things were  
OK, having decided at that moment to wait until after he received the  
papers in the mail before telling him about what my father haid said to  
me about his decision. I didn't want to get his hopes up in case  
something changed. and I was also scared about the doubts that suddenly  
popped up inside my heart. What if Harm changes his mind, once he gets  
the signed papers? His life is so much better now -- he's back at JAG,  
he and Mac are really good friends again, and even he and the Admiral  
are getting along much better these days ... although I never knew  
exactly what happened to make things so strained between them in the  
first place. What if he doesn't want me anymore? If he didn't, maybe I  
could go back to living by myself and running Grace Aviation full time.  
At least I wouldn't have to worry so much about school, and I could live  
in the house I grew up in again.  
  
But, I thought, I didn't really want any of that life anymore. I wanted  
school, and living in the city, and rooming with Jen, and the Roberts,  
and even the Admiral. I wanted Mac, too. She was becoming as much my  
mother as my real one had been, and she was teaching me so much. I  
wanted to be just like her after I finished growing up.  
  
And Harm. I wanted Harm, too. I wanted him to still be my father, and I  
wanted to still be his girl. I wanted so much, now that I'd seen the  
possible things that were out there waiting for me. But I couldn't stop  
worring about those stupid court papers that came yesterday .. and  
whether Harm would want to still sign them, and make me his permanently.  
  
The bus finally arrived in front of Prairie Hill High School, and jerked  
to a stop, the driver throwing open the door. Suddenly, as if I'd just  
awoke from a strange dream, I heard the voices and laughter of the other  
kids around me, and slowly stood up and tossed my backpack across my  
shoulder as I started walking off the bus, still in a daze. My stomach  
was in knots, and I groaned to myself as I headed to my first class. I  
tried to keep reminding myself that Harm loved me as much as I loved  
him, still wanted me, and would do anything to make me happy.  
  
Great. Maybe I'll ask Jen to get me a bottle of Pepto to carry in my  
backpack next time she went shopping.  
  
END OF CHAPTER 2. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author Notes: Sorry for the delay in continuing the story. Life has  
intruded on my writing time lately. Thanks to all of you who have  
graciously reviewed the story so far. Your words have encouraged me! On  
with the story ...  
  
The Papers  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Mattie wondered whether Harm had received his copy yet; she knew that he  
would soon if he hadn't already, and she didn't know what to do. She'd  
guessed that he would come by to take her to school this morning, and  
for the first time ever ... she wasn't looking forward to seeing him.  
That feeling, the totally unfamiliar reaction of not wanting to be  
around the person she loved more than anyone else in her life, except  
for her mother ... scared her ... as much as the letter in her backpack had.  
She blew out a breath in frustration and quickly shook her head; she  
didn't understand why she was reacting this way - she loved Harm so  
much, and wanted so badly to add his last name to hers and be his legal  
daughter. She already thought of the two of them as family because of  
the deep love they shared for each other, and she knew he felt the same  
way. He'd told her every day, of course ... but even if he didn't say a  
word, she knew every time he looked at her ... and she also knew he saw  
that same love for him returned in her eyes.  
  
So why was she freaking out, afraid of showing the letter to Harm, or of  
even being around him? She didn't like feeling like this, not one bit.  
The connection between them was everything to her, and she couldn't  
imagine it, or him, not being in her life. She heard the whispers at  
school, though ... some of the other kids gossiping about her and the  
other rumors floating around. How she didn't have a real father, and  
the Navy officer that often brought her to school and came for parent  
meetings and events was assigned to her because she was a troublemaker  
or something ... or that her mother had left her because she wasn't  
loved or too wild and uncontrollable ...  
  
... the tears came to her eyes as she remembered first hearing the  
rumors about her, and the incredible pain that came because of them.  
She knew she shouldn't pay any attention, and she'd never told Harm,  
Jen, or Mac about them – knowing Harm, he would buzz the school in an F-  
14 if he found out -- but hearing them still hurt her. In spite of all  
her efforts not to worry, she couldn't stop wondering if something bad  
would happen with she and Harm because of the papers. She knew it was  
just self-doubt she was feeling, and unreasonable worry that Harm might  
not want to go through with the adoption after all - even though he  
hadn't for one second given her any reason to think he wouldn't. That  
stupid voice in her head just kept telling her that she didn't really  
deserve having someone like him as a parent, or of having the other  
people in his life love her the way she'd come to love them. She even  
thought of Harm's mother as her real grandmother, and thinking about her  
kindly face made Mattie cry even more, because all she could think about  
was how she couldn't imagine not having that incredibly loving woman in  
her life, if Harm somehow decided to change his mind. He wouldn't,  
though ... he promised her, and she knew he always kept his promises.  
  
But what would she do if he did ...??  
  
The bus jerked to a stop in front of the school, and she was startled  
out of her thoughts ... the tears still streaming down her face as she  
gathered her backpack and stood to get off the bus and head into the  
school. "I don't want to be here," she thought to herself, "I just  
can't think right now". She fooled Jen this morning - Mattie hadn't  
gotten much sleep, and had tossed and turned most of the night after  
reading the letter. Her heart just couldn't let go of the fears her  
mind kept coming back to, over and over ... and as she dragged her feet  
up the stairs into the building, she didn't even notice the stares and  
concerned glances of some of the students and teachers around her.  
  
Maybe she could just rest in the library for a couple of periods, she  
thought to herself.  
  
Harm entered JAG a little early this morning, having beat some of the DC  
traffic he normally had to fight through after dropping Mattie at  
school. He greeted the officers and enlisted personnel he passed on the  
way to his office, noticed Mac's door was still closed and dark, and  
sighed to himself. He had been thinking about Mattie and the letter  
she'd received during the ride into the office, wondering what it meant  
and why it apparently had such a big effect on Mattie. He couldn't think  
of any papers Mattie would be getting that he, as her guardian,  
wouldn't, and had decided to talk it over with Mac in case he hadn't  
thought of something. Mattie's behavior concerned him, too ... she  
always preferred to go drive to school with him, their morning times  
together being a great way to start both their days. He enjoyed  
continually teasing her about not being a "morning" person, and he still  
chuckled whenever he remembered her retort the other day that "all he  
was doing was helping me exercise my 'sass' muscles". Fifteen minutes  
into her first conversation ever with his mother, and he'd heard his mom  
ask her testily, "Are you sassin' me, child?" Mattie had apparently  
caught on to the fact that Harm's mom loved it when the people she loved  
"sassed" her right back whenever she dished out her own unique brand of  
sass, and he watched in awe as Mattie quickly moved into her new  
grandmother's heart as well. Both adults loved everything about Mattie,  
including her amazingly dry and witty sense of humor. She could hold  
her own with almost any adult he knew in that particular area, and yet  
she was still very much a young girl in other ways. That contrast  
continually amazed him as he headed to the kitchen for some coffee,  
wondering whether he should call her on the cell phone he'd gotten her  
so they could keep in touch in case he had to be called away from her  
for any reason. Even though he tried not to call her during school  
hours, he really wanted to hear her voice that morning ... his "trouble"  
sense telling him there was more to the court letter than he or Jennifer  
knew. He was filling his cup with the strong Navy brew when he sensed  
his partner come up behind him into the kitchen.  
  
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie moved like the Marine officer she was, as quiet  
as a cat, even in high heels ... still, she'd never yet managed to sneak  
up on her partner and friend. She'd always suspected he had some kind  
of sixth sense about her, like her own uncanny way of being able to  
always know what time it was without a watch or clock ... but when she'd  
asked him once about it, he would just make some kind of stupid joke  
about superior Navy training or something like that. It always made her  
smile, though.. which, she suspected, was one of the reasons he  
continued with his lame jokes on that subject.  
  
"Morning, Mac," Harm spoke up as she slipped into the room past him,  
before turning to her with that trademark cocky "flyboy" grin of his.  
Someday, she swore to herself, she'd sneak up on him without his sensing  
her. Yeah, and that winning ticket would arrive any day now, she  
thought sardonically to herself.  
  
"Hi, Harm ... how are you and my girl doing today?"  
  
"I'm great.. and thanks so much for asking about my car, too, Mac - she  
loves it when you call her your girl!" He laughed as she stuck out her  
tongue at him before reaching around his tall, lanky frame to grab her  
coffee mug. "You know very well I was talking about Mattie, you idiot!"  
she groused at him with a twinkle in her eye. "Who besides you cares  
about your car, anyway! Mattie's much more important, squid!"  
  
"The car doesn't consume as much as Mattie does, that's for sure," Harm  
replied, chuckling.  
  
"Watch it, flyboy ... or I will tell her what you said. THEN you'll be  
in big trouble!!" She gave him her brightest smile, and it was all Harm  
could do to stay on his feet. "God, she's amazing," he thought not for  
the first time since he'd first met the beautiful Marine.  
  
"She's fine, Mac ... though I didn't get a chance to talk to her before  
she left for school this morning. I wanted to drive her in, but Jen said  
she'd gotten up early and left before I came by."  
  
"MATTIE got up EARLY? Somebody contact Homeland Security!" Mac  
jokingly replied, giving Harm a surprised look.  
  
"Tell me about it! I was as surprised as you when Jen told me. She  
also mentioned Mattie got a letter from Family Court yesterday."  
  
"Really?" Mac asked him, looking carefully in his face as he nodded.  
"Did you get one, too? What does that interesting judge have to say?"  
  
"Don't know, Mac, 'cause I haven't received anything yet. I have a  
feeling, though, that whatever was in it affected Mattie very much ...  
Jen told me Mattie seemed kind of rattled and distracted before she left  
this morning."  
  
"Well, it couldn't be bad news about the adoption, Harm ... if it was,  
they would have notified you first as her guardian."  
  
"Maybe Tom filed a new motion or something ..." Harm wondered aloud, a  
distant look on his face.  
  
"Harm?" Mac spoke forcefully to him, starting to worry about Harm's  
lack of focus on the issues. "Don't worry – I'm sure everything's fine.  
Mattie loves you, Harm, and you love her too, remember? You two are  
each others' destiny – I have absolutely no doubt of that."  
  
Harm looked into Mac's eyes as she spoke, and saw the conviction and  
deep caring she felt. It gave him a much-needed jolt of reality and  
confidence.  
  
"Thanks, Marine." he whispered gratefully.  
  
"You're very welcome, flyboy. Now, why don't you wait till she's  
between classes or at lunch, and call her? Don't you two talk like a  
million times a day?" The teasing tone in Mac's voice brought a smile  
on Harm's face. The new topic to tease Harm on in the JAG office these  
days, it seemed, was the number of times he and Mattie called each  
other.  
  
"Very funny, Mac. Don't you have someone to prosecute or something?"  
  
Before Mac could reply, Jen Coates popped her head into the kitchen,  
drawing the officers' attention. "Excuse me, Colonel, Commander – the  
Admiral would like to see both of you right away."  
  
"Morning, Coates – thank you. We're on our way – right, Harm?" Mac  
answered.  
  
Harm snapped to attention, facing both ladies. "Aye aye, ma'am!"  
Jennifer smiled, trading a glance with Mac.  
  
"Idiot", Mac mumbled under her breath with a smile, as Harm marched  
behind her out of the kitchen. Harm looked behind him to wink at Jen,  
who was getting coffee for the Admiral. She stood for a second,  
laughing again as she watched Harm still march behind the Colonel, who  
was throwing bemused looks over her shoulder as they headed towards the  
Admiral's office.  
  
"And so it begins ...", Jen thought to herself with a shake of her head. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N. Okay ...sorry it's been so long between updates. During my layover, I was kept very encouraged by some folks who reviewed the story so far: "ashlynn", "jtbwriter", "CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur", "starryeyes10", "alicia5", and Miran Anders" To all of them, and to you: I quote from the famous movie, "Kentucky Fried Movie": "You have our gratitude!"  
  
Disclaimer: you all know what gets said here, but here we go again for the da-- lawyers: JAG does not belong to me, and I do not write this for profit in any way, shape, or form. "  
  
"The Papers" Chapter 4  
  
The two officers walked up to the closed door of their boss, Adm. A.J. Chegwidden, and Mac knocked twice on the heavy wooden door. "Enter!" came the response from inside as Harm opened the door wide for Mac to precede him into the room. She gave him her typical smile in thanks as they entered the office and walked up to the large ornate desk near the large windows, coming to attention before their superior officer. "Col. MacKenzie and Commander Rabb reporting as ordered, sir!" Harm spoke in a clear, military voice as the eyes of the officers looked straight ahead. "At ease, have a seat, you two." the Admiral answered in his typical gruff voice.  
  
Mac and Harm took seats and studied the face of the Admiral as he paused before speaking. "I've called you two in to discuss some changes in the office I've been thinking about. As my Chief of Staff, Colonel, and as my senior attorney, Commander, I wanted to bounce my ideas off of both of you before I put things in a proposal to the SecNav."  
  
"Of course, sir. We'd be glad to help in any way." Mac replied in a soft but clear voice. Harm leaned forward in his chair in anticipation.  
  
"These changes aren't detrimental to anyone or their careers in any way, let me just start by saying that. You both know that Lt. Sims originally came to us on loan from another Navy department, and while she's excelled here as we all know, her official "temporary loan" status has made some processes harder than they need to be. She doesn't get the cooperation she should from other departments because of it, and even though she's managed to accomplish her duties in spite of these hindrances, I want to finally get rid of the original issue. So, I'm thinking of creating a new position here at JAG, one that will formalize what she does and allows me to keep her on a good career track. The position is that of Office Manager, and she would answer directly to you as Chief of Staff, Colonel. She'd handle all staffing issues except for some personnel topics, and basically continue running this office with PO Coates' help. What do you two think?"  
  
"Well, sir, I think it's an excellent idea." Mac answered with a smile. "Will the new position be able to have a higher government salary scale attached to it?"  
  
"Good question, Mac. That will depend on how good a negotiator I am with the SecNav – he has to approve all this eventually. I think the added budget will be worth it in the efficiencies we'd gain, and it would give Harriet another step in her career."  
  
"It's hard to imagine Harriet running things any more efficiently, sir ... but if there's a way, she'll find it. And with a new title, who knows what she'll be able to pull off?" Harm asked with a smile. "Sir, if you can get this done, wouldn't it be prudent to assign someone as her permanent assistant – someone like Coates? In case Harriet needs to be out of the office or on vacation, she should have a well-trained second to step in. Coates would be perfect for it."  
  
"Still looking out for your charge, eh, Commander?" the Admiral replied with a smile.  
  
Harm glanced quickly over at Mac, who was trying to smother a grin. "Just trying to think of all the dimensions to this thing, sir."  
  
"Of course, of course ... like any good pilot ... which is why I wanted to run this thing by the both of you before moving forward. You know that this is to be kept in strict confidence until the three of us have a working proposal I can take to the SecNav -- clear?"  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" his officers smartly answered.  
  
"Good. Go and think about it for a day or two, and then send me a written summary of your thoughts. I'll combine them with mine, and then you'll both help me write the proposal. Normally Coates would do this sort of thing, but not this time."  
  
"Understood, Admiral," Mac spoke.  
  
"Very well. Dismissed!" Harm and Mac leaped to their feet, coming to attention. "Aye, aye, sir!"  
  
They were almost to the office door when the Admiral spoke again. "Oh, Commander – before you go, how is young Mattie doing?" Harm smiled as he turned back towards the Admiral, and answered. "She's fine, sir – thank you for asking. I haven't spoken to her so far today—"  
  
"What's the matter – lose your cell phone, Harm?" the Admiral put in with a sparkle in his eyes.  
  
"No, sir," Harm sighed at the Admiral's joke, refusing to acknowledge the small giggle coming from the Marine at his side, "... it's just that Jennifer told me that Mattie got a letter from Family Court yesterday, and I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it."  
  
"What did your copy say, Commander?"  
  
"That's part of the problem, Admiral – I haven't received anything from them since the last social services visit two weeks ago. So I'm in the dark until I ask Mattie."  
  
"Hmm ... well, I wouldn't worry about it. If it was something that could affect your custody, I'm sure you would have received something before she did."  
  
"That's what Mac said, sir. I'm sure I'll know something soon."  
  
"Good. Well, keep me informed. That girl's part of the family, and she's going to stay that way."  
  
"Very good, sir!" Harm wasn't surprised at the Admiral's words about Mattie. She was one of the few people who gave as much as she got from the Admiral, and she wasn't taken in by his gruff attitude. Harm knew that earned her quite a lot of respect and affection from the SEAL.  
  
"Dismissed."  
  
"Sir."  
  
Mac and Harm walked past PO Coates at her desk, heading back through the bullpen to their own offices, both deep in thought. Unconsciously, Harm walked with Mac to the door of her office, and she smiled at him before entering and walking around her messy desk to her chair. "Let's have lunch today, squid. I want to be there in case that's when you reach Mattie."  
  
"Sure ... you paying, Marine?" She knew if she looked up, she'd get the full "flyboy grin" with that question. Yep, there it is ....  
  
"In your dreams, flyboy. Ever hear of Dutch?"  
  
"Hmm ... can't say as I have," Harm replied in a fake southern drawl ... "must be some newfangled thing the young folks have come up with." Mac laughed and shook her head and looked at Harm fondly. "Every time he watches a John Wayne western, he tries to talk like some modern-day cowboy – which fits him to a 'T', I guess", she thought to herself. Out loud, she pointed in the direction of his office and said, "Out!"  
  
Harm winked at her and strolled off, whistling a tune from the last Western they'd watched on TV.  
  
The library was fairly quiet as Mattie entered, barely glancing at the older woman behind the information desk as she slowly walked to her favorite chair towards the back of the room, the backpack on her shoulder feeling like a 500 pound weight. The chair she came to was the oldest in the library, an old stuffed chair that had somehow made it through all the refurbishing the school had gone through during the last year. It was her favorite because she could curl up and read or write in it very comfortably, and she longed for its' inanimate comfort now. She dropped her backpack next to the chair, and plopped down heavily into the comfort of the cushions. She turned her body to the side, and laid her head against the back cushion, and sighed. She tried to clear her mind of all of the chaotic thoughts rushing through them, willing them to seep through her and into the chair that held her. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine herself in a field of wildflowers, like her mom had taught her to imagine when she was much younger.  
  
Thinking of her mom brought fresh tears to her streaked face, and they flowed unnoticed down her face as she fought her fears of what the future might hold for her. If she couldn't be with Harm, she decided, she would just go back to Grace Aviation and run her company again full-time. School would just have to wait. She'd work for a couple more years until she was 18, and then decide what she wanted to do with her life at that point. She didn't know if she could stand being in the same area as Harm if the court decided against the adoption, and since her father wasn't ready or willing to have her in his life either, she'd just be what she was before – an independent girl trying to make a life for herself.  
  
Alone.  
  
eating pizza five or six days a week because there was no one nagging her to eat better or making her strange things like "meatless" meatloaf ...  
  
not having any friends from school over, because she would have to work ...  
  
No more "girls nights" with Jen and Mac ...  
  
no more teasing with the Admiral ...  
  
never babysitting the Roberts' kids anymore ...  
  
... and no Harm to kiss her good night and good morning, and make her life complete ... Mrs. Pappas loved the library and her books, and most of the students who attended her school. Some of them, though, had backgrounds that concerned her. Like this Mattie Grace girl who'd just stumbled into the library, looking like she'd lost her best friend and just come from one of those "keg" parties she overheard some of the students talking about at the same time. She didn't approve of kids who were obviously not raised in traditional families, and if half of the things she'd heard about this Mattie Grace were true, then she wouldn't be surprised to find her back there sleeping off a binger in that chair she was so fond of. Father a drunk, mother killed by that same father in an accident ... and now in the care of some Navy officer who was probably gone all the time and who couldn't raise the girl right. And some unbelievable rumor about Mattie running her own business – a fifteen-year-old girl running a business!! "Hmpf!" Mrs. Pappas snorted to herself as she watched the girl, asleep in the old chair, twitch suddenly. "Probably on some kind of drugs, too ..." she thought to herself. She considered getting up to walk over and wake the girl up when she heard a loud moan, then a louder "Noooo!!" from that part of the library.  
  
Getting up from her desk, she craned her neck to look more closely towards the chair where the girl sat, her eyes closed and her arms wrapped tightly around herself, visibly shaking. She walked a little closer, noticing the tears streaming down Mattie's face as the girl shook uncontrollably in the chair. "My God," she thought, "she must be having some kind of reaction to some drug or something!" She turned back around and reached over the counter to pick up the phone, dialing the extension for the school nurse's office.  
  
"Miss Barrows? This is Mrs. Pappas in the library. Mattie Grace is here, and I think she's on drugs or something! She's asleep in a chair, but she's shaking and crying. Yes, please hurry!" She hung up and continued to watch the obviously distressed girl, waiting for the nurse to arrive. The other students in the library were whispering to themselves and slowly moving away from Mattie.  
  
After what seemed like ten minutes, the school nurse and the vice principal burst through the doors with a security guard in tow.  
  
"Where is she?" Miss Barrows, a short, brunette young woman asked quietly, with Mr. Harris, the vice principal right beside her. Mrs. Pappas pointed over to the girl in the stuffed chair at the back of the room, and Miss Barrows studied Mattie's face for a minute. "I think she's having some kind of nightmare, Mr. Harris. Please move everyone else out of here quietly, while I try to wake her."  
  
"She's obviously on drugs – why don't you just call the police?" Mrs. Pappas demanded.  
  
"Because it's not as obvious to me as it is to you, Mrs. Pappas. I know Mattie, and I've read her file. She's too smart for drugs. Now, please ... leave with Mr. Harris and everyone else, all right? I don't want to startle her when I approach and wake her."  
  
"Hmpf." was the only reply as Mrs. Pappas turned to stalk through the door. Mr. Harris, who had quietly waved everyone else out, exchanged a frustrated look with Miss Barrows, and then nodded. "I'll be outside if you need me."  
  
"Thanks, sir," she replied, and then turned to walk quietly over to where Mattie was. When she reached the girl who seemed to be in the throes of a nightmare, she kneeled down next to her, and whispered her name.  
  
"Mattie?"  
  
Mattie didn't respond, tears still flowing down her face, and Miss Barrows heard her mumble, "Mom ... watch out ... hang on ... Dad, don't ...." Oh, God, the nurse suddenly remembered. The accident – Mattie's mom died in a car accident because her father had been drinking. There weren't many details in Mattie's school file, but Miss Barrows could only imagine what was occupying Mattie's dreams right now. She had to be careful in waking the girl. Startling her could cause problems. She decided to start by laying a hand on her arm, to give her something to sense and feel outside of the dream. She placed a hand on Mattie's bare arm, and whispered again, very softly: "Mattie?"  
  
The girl seemed to hear her, and she didn't flinch away from her touch. "Mattie, it's me. Miss Barrows. I'm here."  
  
"Mmmmm ..." Mattie moaned, still fighting the demons of what she was seeing and feeling.  
  
"You're OK, wake up for me, Mattie ... you're safe, honey ... it's alright. Wake up, sweetie."  
  
Mattie's eyes flew open, and she shivered as she fought to wake up fully from the nightmare. She looked around, and Miss Barrows noticed that her eyes weren't glassy – a sign that it indeed wasn't drugs that caused this. She tightened her fingers on Mattie's arm, and Mattie turned her head slowly to look at Miss Barrows as she smiled at the young distraught girl. "Mattie ... hi ... it's alright – you fell asleep, and were having a bad dream." Miss Barrows kept her voice low and soft, watching Mattie closely.  
  
Mattie's body shook again, and she seemed to see Miss Barrows for the first time. She gasped, and threw her arms around the nurse, sobbing.  
  
"I saw her ... my mom ... I couldn't stop it from happening ... and she GONE!"  
  
"Shhh ... it's OK, Mattie ... it wasn't your fault, nothing you could have done ... you're not to blame" she hugged the sobbing girl to her, rocking her gently and rubbing her back. She felt a presence behind her, and turned her head slowly to look up at Mr. Harris's questioning face.  
  
She whispered to him, while still holding Mattie and rubbing her back, "we need to contact Commander Rabb and have him come here." Mr. Harris nodded again, and turned quickly to walk over to the desk phone.  
  
"It's Mr. Harris. Please pull Mattie Grace's records and call her guardian, Commander Harmon Rabb. Have him come to school right away. Please alert security when he expects to be here, and have him brought to the nurse's office as soon as he arrives. Thank you."  
  
He turned back to watch in concern as Mattie continued to sob in Miss Barrows' arms.  
  
END OF CHAPTER 4 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Wow ... the responses to this story so far have really been great, and I thank everyone who's responded so far! It's hard work, getting a story that has taken shape inside your head onto paper/electronic form for uploading. I'm soldiering on, though, because that's what JAG is all about, isn't it?  
  
"The Papers" Chapter 5  
  
Mattie shivered uncontrollably as she felt Ms. Barrows' arms tighten around her, the older woman's hands rubbing her back in a soothing, circular motion. She blinked several times, still not fully awake and with the last vestiges of her nightmare still in her thoughts. She couldn't seem to stop shaking – the memories of the car accident still too strong to let her go.  
  
"It's OK, sweetie ... you're going to be fine." she heard Ms. Barrows whisper in her ear.  
  
How long had she been here? Mattie wondered. She looked around the room, noticing that she and Ms. Barrows were the only ones around, except for Mr. Harris, who stood at the counter quietly watching her. He saw that she'd seen him, and softly smiled to let her know she was alright.  
  
If only she could believe that, she thought. Mattie wasn't sure any more about a lot of things.  
  
She sniffled, and only then realized that her whole face was wet with tears, even the side she laid on Ms. Barrows' shoulder. Mattie hadn't cried this much in years, and now the events of the past few days rushed back on her like an avalanche, threatening to destroy what little control she'd gotten back since waking up in this chair. She shivered again, and she felt Ms. Barrows' arms tighten around her again, her distinctive perfume floating towards Mattie's nose. The fragrance reminded her of the kind Mac wore, and she immediately calmed at the thought of the tough but loving Marine who was a mother to her. She opened her eyes and whispered, "What happened to me, Ms. Barrows?"  
  
The nurse, who was grateful when she felt Mattie finally relax against her a few seconds ago, smiled and rubbed Mattie's back. "I'm not sure, Mattie. You were having a nightmare when I got here – the librarian called me when she noticed you were having trouble waking up." Ms. Barrows decided to gently ease Mattie into talking about what scared her so much – as well as being the school nurse, she also served as a counselor, especially for the girls. She wanted to find out what had happened to cause this smart, level- headed girl to suffer from the emotional problems she was now obviously struggling with, and easing Mattie into a place where she could talk about things was what was most important right now.  
  
"I ... I was having bad dreams. Must've been Harm's 'meatless meatloaf' giving me fits again." She lifted her head from Ms. Barrows' shoulder as she answered, looking the nurse in the eyes and sniffling. She gave her a wan smile. "I told him one day something like this would happen. That's what you get when you try to make a teenager eat healthy."  
  
Ms. Barrows studied the young face in front of her intently. She knew that Mattie used humor to deal with some of her problems, and she was heartened to see her normal personality reassert itself again. She worried, though, that the feelings that brought this ... 'attack' on needed to be talked about and dealt with before Mattie could leave this behind.  
  
She reached up and brushed Mattie's hair away from her face, gently wiping the streaks of tears from the cheek her hand touched. She watched Mattie's tired eyes start to close as she did so, and for the first time saw the weariness in the young girl's eyes. "You haven't been sleeping much lately, huh?"  
  
Mattie's eyes widened as she looked into the nurse's face. "How did you ....?  
  
"I'm a nurse and counselor, sweetie. It's all a part of the superpower package. Also, Mr. Harris over there doesn't pay me unless I read at least one students' mind a week." She winked at Mattie, who grinned slightly at the joke.  
  
"It's true, Ms. Grace," Mr. Harris softly spoke, surprising both girls. He'd quietly approached the two without either of them noticing. "Her salary's based on mind-reading and explaining teenage behavior to us old folks." Mattie glanced up at him and smiled, as Ms. Barrows chuckled. Mr. Harris gave Mattie a kindly, gentle look as he spoke again. "Mattie, I want you to go to Ms. Barrows' office with her. She's going to check you out a little ..."  
  
"I'm not on drugs or anything, Mr. Harris." Mattie spoke sharply to him, an edge in her quiet voice.  
  
"We know, Mattie," Ms. Barrows answered, glancing at Mr. Harris who nodded. "We just want to make sure you're OK before your guardian gets here and we all have a chance to talk, to find out what happened and how we can help." She smiled at the girl, who took a deep breath and nodded slowly.  
  
"Harm's coming?" The light that seemed to spring up in her eyes wasn't lost on either adult, and they silently thought that whatever caused this didn't seem to be caused by the girl's guardian, which didn't surprise either of them. They had watched Harm and Mattie together on several occasions, and could easily see the love between them.  
  
"Yes, Mattie. I want you and him to talk to Ms. Barrows here for a while, if that's OK with you. Then, I think you should go home and try to get some rest. We'll all chat some more when you're back at school again. Now, come on ... let's get you to Ms. Barrows' office." Mattie watched him as he spoke with an intense gaze that told Ms. Barrows that the young girl was weighing each word carefully. She got up from kneeling beside Mattie, and took her hand, gently pulling the girl to her feet.. "Ready?", she asked Mattie, smiling down at her.  
  
Mattie sighed and nodded, resting her head on Ms. Barrows' shoulder as they slowly began walking towards the library doors. Mr. Harris reached down to pick up Mattie's backpack and turned to follow them as they began walking towards the nurse's office.  
  
The phone on his desk rang as Harm was wading through a plea bargain brief, and he grunted in frustration at the break in his concentration. He looked down at the phone, and noticed the light blinking was his direct public line, and he had a sudden sense of trouble. Few people knew that particular number, since he preferred to have Coates screen his calls through the main JAG number. He knew right away that it had to be someone from a small group of people he'd given the number to; his mother, his brother in Russia, the Admiral, Mac, Jen, Mattie, Mattie's father, the Family Court clerk's office, and Mattie's school. He didn't think it was anyone from him immediate family, since they all also had his cell# as well ... and knew that he preferred to be reached that way. That left Family Court, Mattie's father, or Mattie's school – all of them a good reason for the knot that had suddenly appeared in his gut. He reached for the handset and hesitatingly picked it up.  
  
"Commander Rabb"  
  
"Commander, this is Elsie from Mattie's school. I'm Mr. Harris' secretary ..."  
  
"What's wrong? Is there something wrong with Mattie?" Harm couldn't help the panic that had started seeping into his usually calm voice.  
  
"Sir, please ... she's all right as far as I know. She ... just had an incident here at school in the library, and Mr. Harris asked if you could come and meet with him and the nurse, who is with Mattie now."  
  
"What happened?" Harm loudly demanded, causing Lt. Roberts, who was passing by his open office door, to stop and glance at him. Harm saw the Lt. come through his doorway as he stood and reached for his overcoat on the coatrack by his desk.  
  
"Sir .. please, I don't know anything more. Can I tell Mr. Harris you're on your way?"  
  
"Yes .. sorry about my tone, Elsie. I'm on my way – give me twenty minutes."  
  
"That's all right, sir – please drive carefully, and I'll tell him you're coming."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Harm returned the handset to its cradle, and started to struggle into his overcoat and walking to the door of the office, nearly running Bud Roberts over in his haste. The Lt. quickly jumped out of the way and followed Harm as he walked towards Mac's office.  
  
"Sir? Is everything all right with Mattie?"  
  
"I don't know, Bud. The school said there was an 'incident', and that I should come right away. Sorry about almost knocking you over."  
  
"Don't worry about it, sir. If it was little AJ ..." Harm looked into Bud's eyes and nodded in understanding. He reached Mac's open door and leaned in, causing the Marine buried in paperwork at her desk to suddenly look up.  
  
"Harm?" Mac asked, and her eyes widened as she saw the look of fear and worry on Harm's face. She stood up suddenly, nearly knocking over her coffee cup onto the pile of papers on her desk. "What is it?"  
  
"Mattie's school just called. Something happened, and I have to get over there."  
  
"I'm coming with you."  
  
"Mac—"Harm began, but Mac stopped him with a steely look.  
  
"Do you really think I'm going to sit here when I know something's wrong with Mattie?"  
  
Harm saw the look of determination in his Marine's eyes as he watched her grab her purse and coat, and ... something else. Something that looked like ... the love of a mother in protect/defend mode. He'd seen it in his own mother's eyes enough times to recognize it, and he sent her a grateful grin as she passed him, walking purposefully towards the Admiral's office.  
  
"Mac – he'll never let both of us go ... we're both swamped with work." He followed close behind her, his longer strides bringing him into step with hers as they approached the doorway to Coates' office area.  
  
"Won't know till we ask. Coates, please ask if the Admiral has a minute. It's important."  
  
Coates looked up as Harm and Mac practically stormed up to her desk, and her glance at Harm's face told her something bad had happened. He looked back at her, seeing the worry spring into her eyes, and decided to tell her.  
  
"It's Mattie. Her School just called me – something's happened, and I have to get over there."  
  
"Is she OK?" Coates asked in a fearful voice.  
  
"I think so, but I need to alert the Admiral and leave to go find out for sure, Jennifer."  
  
"WE need to leave, you mean." Mac spoke in her best Marine voice.  
  
"One second, sir, ma'am." Coates gave Harm another concerned look, then walked to the Admiral's door and knocked sharply. When she heard the muffled, "Enter!", she quickly opened the door wide to let him see who was there, and announced, "The Colonel and Commander Rabb to see you, sir!"  
  
"What is it? This is a busy day, people!"  
  
Mac and Harm strode past Coates and entered the office, coming to attention in front of the Admiral's desk.  
  
"Well?" the Admiral barked out. He noticed that Coates still stood in the open doorway, which told him something unusual had happened.  
  
"Sir..," Mac began, but was interrupted by Harm.  
  
"Admiral, I just received a call from Mattie's school. There's been some kind of incident, and I've been asked to come to the school right away." Waves of tension radiated from both of his senior officers, Admiral Chegwidden saw, and he put the file he was reading down on the top of the desk.  
  
"What happened? Is she all right?" His mind filled with thoughts of Columbine, and he glanced sharpl between the two officers standing at attention before him. "For God's sake -- at ease, you two, and tell me what the hell's going on with Mattie! Is it connected to what you told me this morning?"  
  
"I'm not sure, sir. The person I spoke with just said that the school vice principal and nurse wanted me to meet them there." Harm's throat was dry, and he swallowed several times. The Admiral studied his worried face for a moment, then looked at the Colonel.  
  
"Colonel?"  
  
"Sir, I don't know anything more than what Harm just said, and I request permission to accompany him."  
  
"Admiral, it may be nothing, and we're all swamped with work ..." Harm began, missing the angry look Mac threw him.  
  
"Harm, if it is something very serious, do you want to face Mac afterward if she doesn't go with you now? At any rate, I don't want you driving in these circumstances. She will go with you."  
  
"Sir, I'm a fighter pilot, and I am in control." "I'm well aware of what you are, Commander, including being a foster father whose child is apparently in trouble and needs help! Mac will drive and accompany you, and then you both will call me as soon as you find out what's happened – then we'll decide how to handle everything. That's an order – dismissed!"  
  
Mac gave him a grateful look as she and Harm both came to attention, and both said in unison – "Aye aye, sir!" before turning and walking as quickly as possible out of the office past the still present Coates, who stood watching them leave with wide eyes.  
  
"Coates --- Jennifer!" The Admiral called out to her when she didn't seem to hear her last name. She turned slowly to him, finally taking her eyes off of the two officers' backs as they rushed from the JAG offices.  
  
"Sir?" she answered in a quiet voice, and he saw the fear in the depths of her brown eyes.  
  
"Come in and close the door."  
  
"Yes, sir. Sorry."  
  
She came to stand a few feet from his desk, and he studied her quietly for a few seconds.  
  
"Don't worry, Jennifer – I know everything will be OK."  
  
"How, sir?" Jennifer's voice was almost too quiet for him to hear. She didn't meet his eyes, but studied the floor by her feet, and he could see the fright all over her like a long overcoat she wore.  
  
"Because those two will get to the bottom of whatever's going on, and they will make sure Mattie's OK one way or another. And, of course ..." and at his pause, she looked up into his eyes before he finished, "God help anybody or anything that gets in their way."  
  
Jennifer laughed and nodded, a knowing grin in her face. She knew what the admiral had just said was true; separately, Mac and Harm were formidable, but together – especially when Mattie was involved – they were nothing less than a force of nature. She'd seen their parental "genes" in action many times, and knew then that whatever was wrong with her roommate and "little sister", Harm and Mac would make everything right again.  
  
They had to.  
  
"I want to know the minute they call in, Coates ... no matter where I am or what I'm doing. You read me?" This last from the Admiral was spoken in the softest voice she'd ever heard from him, and she nodded again.  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
"Dismissed."  
  
She turned and left the inner office, closing the door behind her as she returned to her desk ... encouraged by the Admiral's words, but concerned at the worry she saw in his eyes. 


	6. Chapter 6

"The Papers" Chapter 6  
  
Harm was the first one out of the elevator, striding quickly towards his SUV as Mac hurried to stay at his side. The walk through the hallway and out towards the parked cars was silent, as each officer struggled with their thoughts, each thinking of Mattie. Mac could sense the anguish in Harm through their close bond, and she reached over to gently take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. They were almost to his car, Harm reaching into his pocket for his keys, when Mac quietly coughed to get his attention. He stopped walking to the drivers' side door and looked at her, an impatient look on his face.  
  
"Harm ... I think I should drive. You're.. upset."  
  
"You are, too, Mac." he quietly answered her after looking away for a moment, blowing a breath through his mouth.  
  
"Yes, I am ... but she's your ward ..."  
  
He walked over to where she was standing, fidgeting with her hands and looking down at her shoes. She looked up at him, gazing into his dark, troubled eyes, and her breath caught at the strong emotions she saw there.  
  
"She's your daughter, too, Sarah. You know it's true, and so do we." She knew he was referring to both Mattie and himself in that 'we'. She smiled and nodded. "I know, Harm. You both are my family, too. The Admiral's right, though. I should drive us. Please, Harm."  
  
Why was everyone suddenly doubting his control, he thought to himself, seething quietly as he watched her glance down at her shoes again. Sure, he was upset, and wanted nothing more than to get to Mattie as soon as possible. Who wouldn't? Then Mac chose that moment to look back up at him, their silent gazes locking. He suddenly saw in her hazel eyes what he'd heard in the undertones of her plea; she was afraid that, in his haste to get to Mattie, he would hurt himself – and her – making a difficult situation worse.  
  
And she may be right, he suddenly realized, still looking at her silent pleading eyes.  
  
Harm closed his eyes for a second, took a deep breath, and nodded to himself. His hand that held his car keys slowly raised, until it was between them. Mac looked down at his extended fingers holding the key ring, and then quickly back up to his face as she took the keys. She saw him smile, and reached up to cup his cheek in her other hand for a moment as she took the keys. She held his gaze for another second, sending him comfort and love through their contact, and then nodded, turning to open the doors for them, climbing behind the wheel. She felt his arm brush hers as they pulled out of the lot, past the security gate and the saluting guards, towards Mattie's school at a fast but controlled clip. She heard Harm softly whisper as he stared out the passenger window at the traffic around them, "Hang on, Mattie, we're coming." She reached over to squeeze his hand again, then turned back to making her way through the busy traffic.  
  
The nurses' office at Mattie's school served many purposes, as most high school rooms did ... and was furnished accordingly. Along with a padded examination table and locked cabinets that contained common medicines and instruments, there was also several comfortable chairs, a well-used couch, and a desk with chair in the corner by one of the three windows in the room. Mattie sat in one of the chairs by a window, staring out at the McDonalds across the street from the school – the one Harm told her not to have lunch at except under DefCon 1 conditions. Miss Barrows sat near her on the couch, writing on a pad and occasionally glancing over at Mattie. The walk to the office was quiet, Mattie not speaking at all, only keeping her head down as Ms. Barrows guided her along with an arm wrapped protectively around Mattie's shoulders.  
  
She'd felt Mattie shivering as they walked along, still struggling with the strong emotions she was obviously still dealing with, and she saw that Mattie was still agitated ... her hands wringing in her lap as she gazed out of the window. As the sunlight reflected off of the teenagers' face, Ms. Barrows could see the dark circles under her tired eyes, and felt again the general air of exhaustion around Mattie. Not wanting to startle the girl, she asked quietly, "Mattie?" She didn't get a response, and decided to try again, keeping her voice quiet and even. "Mattie, would you like to lay down on the couch and rest till Mr. Rabb gets here?"  
  
Mattie shook herself away from her thoughts, and turned to look at the nurse, a worn look on her face. "No, thanks. I'm ... too exhausted, and I know we have to talk when Harm gets here. I'd go to sleep if I laid on the couch." She gave Ms. Barrows a small smile, and the young counselor returned it.  
  
"Well, to be honest, I would love to see you getting some sleep right now. But, you're right. Would you like some water or something else while we wait?"  
  
"No, thanks, Ms. Barrows."  
  
"Alright. Just let me know if you change your mind." Mattie nodded slowly, turning back towards the window. Miss Barrows continued to write on her pad, recording her thoughts and ideas about this situation. She wanted to be able to give Mr. Harris a written report after meeting with Mattie and Harm, and wanted to get her initial impressions in order. She could try to talk to Mattie and find out what had caused the incident in the library – but she thought having her foster father here would make that process a lot easier. She'd noted that Mattie was more open when she was with Commander Rabb during school events and meetings with teachers, and could see the first signs of the independent, self-sufficient shell springing up around Mattie in her present state. Well, he should be getting here pretty soon, she mused as they waited together in the quiet office. Then she could start putting her 14 years of adolescent counseling to good use.  
  
Harm and Mac pulled into the parking lot of the modern, low-slung building that housed Mattie's school, and Harm was out of the vehicle before Mac could shut the engine off and grab her purse to follow him. She cursed to herself as she dropped the keys after taking them out of the ignition, then had to reach down by her feet to retrieve them before jumping out of the car and hurrying to catch up to Harm, who had almost reached the school doors that opened onto the lot. Just inside the entrance, she saw a security guard watching them and speaking into a walkie. The guard was watching Harm more closely than Mac, and she could well imagine why. The intense, worried look on his face would alert any competent guard, and she hoped that there wouldn't be any delays in reaching Mattie.  
  
They reached the metal handles of the doors and briskly pushed them in, walking purposefully up to the guard. Mac decided that she should speak first, since she wasn't sure how Harm would handle the guard in case he wanted to delay him in getting to Mattie. "Good morning, sir. I'm Sarah McKenzie, and this is Harmon Rabb. Mr. Rabb has a child here, and we were called to the school by Mr. Harris' secretary. Could you let them know we're here and on the way to the office?"  
  
Harm had thankfully stayed quiet during Mac's greeting, standing fairly close to the guard as the two men stared at each other. The guard, slightly taller than Harm himself, was swallowing nervously as he took in Harm's commanding posture. The fact that both he and Mac were in duty uniforms added to the intimidating effect, she was sure.  
  
"Ma'am, sir, I've been told to escort you to the nurse's office when you arrived. No adults are allowed to walk around unescorted under normal circumstances. If you'll follow me, please?"  
  
"Thank you, officer." Mac replied, giving him a quick smile. He nodded and started marching down the hall, Harm and Mac at his side. They made quite a sight to the students and teachers in the hallways, the two military officers and the security guard walking with purpose towards the office suites at the end of the long first floor hallway.  
  
When they reached the door of the nurse's office, they found Mr. Harris waiting for them there. He reached out to shake both their hands as Harm launched into "prosecutor" mode. "What's happened to her, Mr. Harris? Is she all right? I need to see her right now!"  
  
"Mr. Rabb, and ... Colonel McKenzie, is it?" Mac nodded. "You're listed as a secondary contact for Mattie, I believe – we've spoken briefly before at a couple of school functions."  
  
"Yes, sir.. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances. Please tell us what's happened with Mattie."  
  
"So do I, Colonel. I need to just speak with the two of you a moment before seeing Mattie."  
  
"Where is she?" Harm asked in a tight voice.  
  
"Mr. Rabb.. please. She's in with the nurse. She's physically ok as far as we can tell; the incident this morning was more ... emotional ... in nature than anything else. I'm not sure what happened exactly, but both Ms. Barrows and I were called to the library by the staffer on duty, who reported that Mattie was having some kind of 'episode' there."  
  
"An 'episode'? What kind of 'episode'? Was she sick?" Harm asked.  
  
"No, sir. I don't believe so. I'd like the nurse to check her over, though, if you don't mind. Mattie apparently had fallen asleep and was having a very bad nightmare, which concerned the librarian. She called us, and Ms. Barrows gently woke Mattie, who was in a very agitated state. She didn't say much about the nightmare, and she looks like she hasn't been sleeping well lately." He looked at Harm as he finished, apparently hoping Harm could give more details.  
  
"She's been sleeping fine as far as I know. I try to bring her to school myself as much as I can, and I went to pick her up this morning, but she'd already left for school." Harm took off his cover, and ran a hand through his hair. He shook his head and whispered, "Damm," so softly, Mac almost missed it. She knew exactly what he was thinking, though, and acted to quickly nip it in the bud. "Harm, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself."  
  
"I agree, Colonel," Mr. Harris said, and then paused for a moment in thought. "Let's have you four talk a while, then you can come and see me in my office. We'll decide what to do next based on what comes out of your chat and my counselor's recommendations. All right?" He looked back and forth between Harm and Mac, getting nods in return. "OK. Here they are," and he knocked softly on the door to the nurse's office, then turned the knob and opened the door. Harm immediately strode past him into the room, and was met halfway by Mattie, who'd heard the door and had leaped out of her chair towards it as it opened. She threw herself into his open arms, and he held her close as she wrapped her arms around him, sobbing again.  
  
"Harm —" Mattie cried, burying her face in his neck as he slowly rubbed her back inside his strong arms. Mac stood just inside the door, watching, while Ms. Barrows was looking on intently from where she stood near the couch in the room. Mr. Harris had quietly closed the office door behind Mac after glancing at Miss Barrows, giving her a nod. Mac listened in concern to Mattie's plaintive sobs, as Harm whispered comforting sounds to her, and wanted nothing more at that moment than to take Mattie in her own arms and take all the pain she saw on the young girl's face away. It broke Mac heart to see so much anguish on Mattie's face, and she could only guess at what she'd see when Mattie opened her eyes. The room was quiet except for Mattie's slowly quieting sobs and Harm's gentle murmurs.  
  
After a minute or two, Mac saw Mattie open her eyes, and they grew large as saucers as she saw Mac standing there by the door. Mattie whispered in surprise, "Mac.." and unwrapped an arm from around Harm, reaching out to the woman who was as much mother to her as her real one had been. Mac moved forward quickly, and hugged Mattie tightly, Harm never letting go of her.  
  
"Mattie, sweetheart ... it's OK now. We're here," Mac whispered into Mattie's hair, and then let her go to put both hands on either side of Mattie's face as Harm let her go slightly. "What's wrong, baby?"  
  
Mattie looked from Harm to Mac and back, large tears still silently spilling down from her eyes as Ms. Barrows brought over some tissues to hand to Mac, who smiled gratefully at her, then tenderly dried Mattie's face. Harm reached up to brush the fingers of one hand gently across Mattie's face, and Mac watched as Mattie's eyes closed briefly at the gesture, turning her face into Harm's palm. Mac knew that Mattie loved it when Harm did that ... it was a special gesture between them, and even Ms. Barrows seemed to pick up on it. Mattie seemed to suddenly gather herself, becoming much calmer, and only her eyes now showed the turmoil she still felt.  
  
"Harm ... Mac ... I, um, got a letter from court yesterday, and I had a talk with Dad a few days ago."  
  
Mac could see Harm's jaw clenching at this, and she was about to speak when Ms. Barrows suddenly spoke.  
  
"Why don't we all sit down? Mattie, do you want me to stay while you talk to Mr. Rabb and Ms. McKenzie?" Mattie turned in their arms, and glanced over at the counselor.  
  
"Yes ... please ... could you stay?" Ms. Barrows smiled and nodded at Mattie, then continued, glancing at Harm and Mac, "if it's alright with everyone?"  
  
Harm and Mac looked at each other; without knowing all the details of what'd happened, there was no way to know if this was something private or not. Finally, after communicating silently between themselves, they seemed to agree that Mattie's answer would suffice, and Harm turned to Ms. Barrows.  
  
"It's fine, Ms. Barrows. We could still use your help if you don't mind."  
  
"Of course, Mr. Rabb. I'm here for all of you. Well ... let's sit and get Mattie off her feet, all right?" Harm and Mac sat on the couch, Mattie between them, while Ms. Barrows took the chair closest to them.  
  
Mattie sat for a moment gathering her thoughts, her fingers entwined in Harm's larger ones. "When I spent time with Dad this past weekend, he told me how his things were going with his treatment. He said that he was still struggling, trying to hang onto his sobriety ... and that he'd been thinking about everything ..." Her tears started again, and Mac leaned over to softly kiss her wet cheek. Mattie smiled a little, and then took a deep breath, looking down at her hands in Harm's, as every adult in the room waited for her to continue.  
  
"He told me ... he, um, said that he felt like he had barely enough strength to fight the battle with drinking, and that he had decided that it wouldn't be fair to me to watch him try to win – or not. He said that he thought that the best thing for me would be for him to give up his parental rights so that I could be yours, Harm. Dad said that he knows that you love me and that I would be better off with you than him, because he couldn't let me be a part of what he had to fight every day."  
  
She took a deep breath, and added in a quiet, despairing voice, "He doesn't want me anymore, Harm, he ... doesn't think I'm WORTH keeping or fighting for!" She leaned on Harm's shoulder, shaking with heavy sobs.  
  
All three adults sat, stunned, as Mattie continued to cry and Harm and Mac tried to comfort her. Mac and Ms. Barrows were thinking, from different perspectives, how needy alcoholics became and how much they wanted to have any family close by as they struggled to stay sober. It was rare for an alcoholic to willingly give up legal rights to their children; the pathology of the disease usually made them possessive, and they usually felt that having their kids around them meant that they had more to fight for. Harm, for his part, felt conflicted; he couldn't imagine or understand how anyone who knew Mattie would decide to give her up, while at the same time ... elated that Mattie would finally be completely his. Well, his, Mac and Jennifer's. But HIS daughter, after everything that's happened to this point. Mattie, though, being the teenager she is, could only see it as a final rejection by her only remaining natural parent, and now Mac and Harm began to understand what had brought on Mattie's present state.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me this before, Mattie?" Harm quietly asked.  
  
"I'm sorry, Harm ... I really am. I was just ... stunned, and I couldn't think straight. Then I got the letter from Family Court, and you hadn't mentioned getting one from them, and I didn't know if you were thinking about changing your mind, and I couldn't sleep thinking about everything ..." Mattie shook her head, and leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes.  
  
Harm looked at her, his mouth hanging open in surprise.  
  
"Mattie ... sweetheart ... how in the world could you ever think for a second that I would change my mind about adopting you?"  
  
"They must have sent you a copy of the papers, too, Harm, right? And you haven't said anything about it at all! You always talk to me about everything! So, I thought that meant ..." The girl sitting next to him looked down at the floor, not meeting anyone's eyes. Mac sat on her other side, her hand covering her mouth in shock, unable to speak. She'd begun to see the domino of coincidences and misunderstandings that had happened, and could see in Harm's eyes that he had made the connection, too. But for Mattie to think that it all meant that she wasn't loved or wanted by Harm anymore ... oh, my God, she wondered to herself. How had things gotten so bad so quickly?  
  
"My god ...", Harm muttered. "Mattie, sweetheart. Look at me." Mattie slowly raised her tear-filled eyes to meet Harm's. "Mattie, I love you so much ... and I would NEVER, NEVER give you up! Do you understand? There's no place on Earth you could go that I couldn't find you, because you are my heart, Mattie." He picked up her hands and surrounded them with his own, holding her eyes with his. It felt to Mattie as if the two of them were the only people in the room, and Mac had never heard the passionate tones she now heard in his voice. Mattie sat there, enthralled, as Harm opened himself up to her.  
  
"You and Mac are the best, most important things in my life, Mattie. No matter what happens around us, or with us ... that will NEVER change. I won't let it – I promise you."  
  
The room was still as Harm fell silent, locked in a gaze with Mattie as she searched his eyes, listening to his words. Beside them, Mac sat still, considering what she'd heard in Harm's declaration as well. Miss Barrows looked on quietly from her chair, not wanting to disturb what was happening. She knew from Mattie's file that, if there were any problems in her psyche about trust, they revolved around her biological father and the fact that she'd lost her mother in such a horrific way – a car accident caused by her father driving while drunk. Now, it seems, those issues had now spilled over into her relationship with her guardian, and were at the heart of Mattie's struggles this morning. Mattie reached up, then, and gently placed her palm against Harm's cheek, slowly smiling as Harm turned his head slightly to kiss her wrist. They still held each other's gaze, and Miss Barrows was in awe at the power of the connection between these two people who'd found each other in such a unique way.  
  
She heard Harm clear his throat, and start speaking again.  
  
"I haven't gotten any letters from Family Court for at least a couple of weeks. I didn't know anything about this, and would you please tell me what is in that letter you got!?!" Mac watched Harm's perplexed face as Mattie suddenly shook herself away from Harm's loving but penetrating look.  
  
"It's ... in my backpack, over there." Mattie whispered, motioning to the bag at Miss Barrows' feet. She reached down and picked it up, bringing it over to Mattie with a smile. Mattie returned her smile as she took the bag from her hands, and opened one of the inside pockets, extracting an official- looking envelope with the Family Court seal on the front. She hesitated a second, and then reached in to take out the letter that it held, slowly opening it as she sat her bag down on the floor between her feet. Harm and Mac both leaned over Mattie as they all saw the heading in large print at the top of the document:  
  
"Notice of Dissolution of Parental Rights In the Case of Mathilda Grace Johnson"  
  
The legal text flowed beneath it, and at the bottom they saw two signatures - one from the judge handling Mattie's case, and the other from Mattie's dad. Mac took the document from Mattie's hands as Mattie and Harm looked at each other again, quickly read through the text, and turned to glance at Miss Barrows, who returned the look with interest.  
  
"This is a notice from the court saying that Mattie's father has legally given up his parental rights to Mattie. Both the judge and Mr. Johnson have signed it." Miss Barrows' eyes widened for a moment, and she nodded.  
  
"My notice must not have arrived yet. The court should have called me, though. I'm going to roast that court clerk alive!" Harm mused, and they were all surprised to hear a snort from Mattie, who had a twinkle in her wet eyes. Mac smiled while Harm raised his eyebrows at the girl; it was so good to see Mattie's eyes twinkle again.  
  
"Sorry, Harm. It's just that ... well, with you roasting the court clerk while being a vegetarian and all, well ..." and at that Mac emitted her own snort, trying to contain the laugh that threatened to bubble up from her throat as Mattie smirked at a mock-frowning Harm, "it just seems kinda weird!" She finished with a playful grin. "That's all I'm saying."  
  
Mac tried to halt the giggle she gave from escaping her lips at Mattie's joke, but couldn't quite manage it. The result was a most unladylike sound coming from the Marine, and Harm turned a mock glare in her direction.  
  
"You're not helping, Marine." The twinkle that was in Mattie's eyes had now moved to Harm's as well.  
  
"Sorry, Harm. But my girl does have a point, you know." At hearing the phrase 'my girl', Mattie turned to Mac, giving her the brightest smile she'd ever gotten from her. The one on Mac's face was equally as bright, she knew, and Harm laughed, shaking his head at his girls. Miss Barrows chose at that moment to remind them that she was still there, and cleared her throat.  
  
"Well, Mr. Rabb, Ms. McKenzie ... it looks like we've figured this thing out, and now we can move forward, hmm?" She smiled at the trio before her. Harm nodded, and asked, "What happens next, Miss Barrows?"  
  
"Well, I think it's clear what brought on Mattie's nightmare this morning in the library, and her lack of rest lately. I'm confident that with some good sleep and some more talking between the three of you, she'll be as good as new. What I'd like to do now, though, is just take some vitals for our medical records. I want to make sure she's physically OK, and then I think she should go home with you and sleep. We'll talk about how she's feeling tomorrow, and if any additional time off is needed, I'm sure Mr. Harris will approve it. Meanwhile, I'll speak to your teachers, Mattie, and get any assignments you need sent home."  
  
At the sound of homework, Mattie groaned, causing the adults to smile.  
  
"You're very kind, Ms. Barrows. Thank you for being there for her this morning," Mac said.  
  
"It's no problem. She's an exceptional young lady, and I'm sure you all with get through these latest developments OK. If you need to, please feel free to talk to me anytime you need to. I counsel families as well as students, and if I can help in any way, I will." She got smiles from Harm and Mac, and stood up to come over and kneel by Mattie. "Mattie, I'd like to say something to you about your father, if you don't mind. Maybe it will help." Mattie looked up at Harm, and then back at Miss Barrows, and nodded.  
  
"I want you to think about something. I have spoken to my share of parents who struggle with addictions and problems like your father's, and I have rarely seen any of them voluntarily give up custody in order to protect their child or children from whatever they happen to be struggling with. Most of the time, they are so wrapped up in struggling with their own demons, they drag their kids down with them. I wasn't there when you last spoke with him, but it sounds to me that he was self-aware enough to make sure you were safe and protected in case his drinking got the best of him. Whatever you might think of him, or feel towards him ... I think that kind of act is commendable, and speaks well of your father. You're angry and bitter towards him, Mattie – I can see it in your eyes – and you have every right to be. Just ... try to see it from another perspective, OK? I don't want those feelings to cause you any more hurt than they already have. You're a strong person, Mattie, and –"she paused to glance at both Mac and Harm, who were listening intently, "you're very lucky to have these two people in your life. It's OK to hurt, and feel, and struggle. Just don't do it alone, all right? Talk to them, Mattie ... and talk to me, if you need to. I'll always listen, OK?"  
  
By this time, both Mattie and Mac were softly crying, and Harm had wrapped his arm around Mattie, hugging her to him. Mattie wiped her eyes, and nodded. "I will, I promise. Thank you." She smiled at the kind counselor kneeling next to her.  
  
"You're very welcome. Now, why don't you hop on the exam table, and I'll take your blood pressure and pulse real quick, then you three can go see Mr. Harris before heading home. Will you need to get back to work, Mr. Rabb? Or can you stay with her?  
  
"Both Mac and I will be with her, Miss Barrows," Harm answered, as she took Mattie's pulse and wrapped a BP pad on her arm. She pumped the pad, taking a quick reading and writing the results down on her pad before smiling at Mattie and removing the pad. "Your pulse is a little high, but your BP is fine. I want you to eat something soon, and then sleep as much as you can. When you're back in school, come by and see me. We'll get some more readings and check you out again. All right?"  
  
"Yeah, Miss Barrows. Thanks."  
  
"Now, get out of here, and go see Mr. Harris. I don't want the rest of the kids to think I'm playing favorites!" and at that, Mattie laughed, hopping off of the table and going to retrieve her backpack. She walked to the door of the office, Harm and Mac at her side, and when she reached the doorway, suddenly stopped to place her bag on the floor and turned back to Miss Barrows, who was watching them leave with a smile. Mattie walked over to her, and gave her a big hug.  
  
"I hope you're always there whenever I freak out," she said as Miss Barrows hugged her back.  
  
"Next time I'll bring popcorn," Miss Barrows joked, and Mattie laughed, letting her go and walking to join Harm and Mac at the door. Mattie picked up her bag again and slung it over her shoulder, and Harm took her free hand, leading her and Mac from the office.  
  
Miss Barrows went to her open door, and watched this unique and close family walk down the hall to Mr. Harris' office.  
  
When they reached the entrance to the main office where Mr. Harris was, Mac stopped and turned to Harm and Mattie, pulling out her cell phone. "I'm going to check in with the Admiral while you two go and see Mr. Harris. Then you –"and she pointed at Harm, "can feed Mattie and I; someplace with lots of meat dishes!" Mattie smiled, and laughed at the expression on her guardian's face.  
  
Harm shook his head and turned to glare mockingly at Mac as she dialed the Admiral's number. "My girl WILL eat some vegetables, too!" and guided Mattie in hand through the open door, asking the receptionist if they could see Mr. Harris. Mac watched as the receptionist ushered the tall officer and his daughter into an inner office, as she waited for her call to connect.  
  
"JAG Office – Petty Officer Coates speaking. How may I help you?"  
  
"Jennifer, It's Mac."  
  
"Ma'am! How is she? Is she all right?" Jennifer's concern rushed over Mac through the phone, and she was reminded again just how worried Coates had been this morning.  
  
"She's fine, Jen. She had a nightmare sleeping in the library, and was dealing with some things by herself – like a certain flyboy does sometimes. It all just got to her, plus it looks like her dad has relinquished custody. That's what the letter was all about."  
  
"Oh, my god! Then – she'll be Harm's for good! Can I speak to her?" Mac laughed.  
  
"One question at a time, counselor!"  
  
"Sorry, ma'am. I've been so worried about her ... and the Admiral has been stalking around his office – he's worried, too."  
  
"I know, Jen. Harm and I will get her some lunch, and then take her home, let her sleep. She didn't get much last night, and she's dead on her feet. You can talk to her whenever she wakes up later. We'll stay and watch over her till you get home, and then the three of us can talk. I just need to clear this with the Admiral – can you connect me?"  
  
"Yes, ma'am, and ... please tell Mattie I love her, and sweet dreams."  
  
Mac smiled. "I will, Jen. Thanks."  
  
"One moment, ma'am. See you tonight."  
  
Her phone clicked, and then the Admiral's gruff voice came on the line.  
  
"Colonel? How is she?"  
  
"She'll be fine, sir. Some ... emotional storms have been battering her the past few days, and it all just caught up to her. It seems as though her father told her during their last visit that he was permanently giving up custody, said he couldn't let her deal with his struggles any more. She took it as rejection, and he signed the papers right away. Mattie got a copy of the rights termination order in that letter, but Harm hasn't been officially notified of anything yet."  
  
"Damm. Poor girl. And damm her father for doing this without finding a better way to explain things. What the hell's wrong with that court on notifications!?!"  
  
"My feelings exactly, sir. Sir, I'd like to ring his neck for what he's put her, and us, through. Then again, he's never been known for his judgment skills."  
  
"Agreed, Colonel. So what happens next?"  
  
"Well, sir, we request permission to take her out to get some food in her, get her home, and then put her to bed. She's exhausted, but should be back to normal after a meal and lots of sleep. We'd like to stay home with her, sir, and then decide tomorrow if she's ready to go back to school or not. Her school counselor recommends that she be held out at least a day to get her feet back under her, and she and Harm are in with the vice principal right now. We can all talk about the custody stuff tomorrow after she's rested."  
  
"Permission granted, Colonel. Things around here are under control. I think we can do without my senior officers for a day or two. Mattie's well- being has to be looked after right now. Would Harm like me to make some calls to Family Court, see if I can find out what the hell's going on over there?"  
  
Mac put her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing – the Admiral would run roughshod over any clerk he got hold of, and would probably cause more of a fuss than needed. "I think Harm has some words he wants to share with them, sir. Why don't we let him deal with that?"  
  
"Fine. Tell him I'm here if he needs more artillery. All right. I'm going to send Coates home a little early today, mostly because she's going to be bouncing off the walls around here anxious to get home to see Mattie. Expect her about an hour earlier than usual, Colonel. Meanwhile, check in with me tomorrow morning, and bring me up to date at that time."  
  
"Aye, sir. Thank you for being so understanding, Admiral."  
  
"Hey, that's what I'm known for." Mac suppressed a giggle. "Yeah, yeah ... I know. Don't spread it around – that's an order. Tell Mattie she's invited to dinner at my house soon. She can explain to me who the hell 'Hootie and the Blowfish' are. Meantime, I'll expect a call tomorrow morning, Colonel."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Good afternoon, Colonel." The line went dead, and she shook her head, closing the cell phone in her hand and returning it to her purse, just as Mattie and Harm returned from the office. Mattie looked much better now than she did when they'd first arrived, Mac thought.  
  
"I got her sprung from jail for a day or two, Mac. Let's go find some food, and then it's home and bed for you, young lady!" Mattie nodded, and yawned, covering her hand and yawning again.  
  
"Yes, sir. Harm, can I please have a Beltway Burger?" She turned her wide brown eyes on Harm, and he theatrically sighed.  
  
"Well, I guess so ... but you order extra lettuce, you read me?" Mattie grinned, winking at Mac, who was laughing again. Harm smiled at them both, and turned to Mac. "We all set?" She knew he was referring to the Admiral, and nodded. "Yep. Gotta check in with him tomorrow morning, but we're clear. Mattie, he said to tell you he hopes you feel better, and that you're invited to dinner at his house sometime soon."  
  
"Cool! I should freak out more often!" which earned her a mock glare from both adults, who pointed simultaneously towards the exit doors and the parking lot. "Out!" they both shouted, smiling.  
  
Mattie giggled and then suddenly yawned again, and started to pick up her bag, only to be stopped by Harm, who shouldered the bag himself and took her by the hand, and the three of them walked down the hallway towards the exit, Mattie leaning against her new father.  
  
THE END 


End file.
